Fuckity, fuckity, fuck! I need to lose some weight! God, I've been eating like a pig lately, piling on the cals just to spite my own stupid thoughts. I have NO self-control. Why can't I just stop eating... it's so easy. I could just... not say anything, at all. EVER. It wouldn't be drama, it would be a choice. Instead of squashing the whole idea, I could just reject the attention... I just need to feel free again. Light, thin... it'd be so nice. I'm so fat.I hate it! I can't stand it! I just feel angry and hateful and stupid, everything is just another mistake. I need to control this... or something, at least.
*deep breath* I needed to get that out.
I need to get this food out of the house. uhg. Out of my body... so heavy. I hate it, gross. I just want to throw up.
And that too.
I tried to last night but it hurt my tongue. I need to try harder... it'd be so simple that way.
FUCK. This isn't drama, this is a choice! My choice! I am allowed to choose if I want to!
It isn't fair. I'm so pissed off at nothing it hurts. Why!? FUCK, I hate my body how it is right now... I
I'm going to go on the treadmill. YES. OMG PERFECT. I'll stop eating, I'll purge... no one will have to know this time. I won't tell them. I won't admit it, ever. It won't be drama.