It's all so confusing! Too much flip-flopping again. I'm sick and tired of hurting people and myself, just to feel comfortable. It's not fair. I just keep thinking, no one would have to know, no one would have to be affected. But I can't stop people from feeling.
I'm going to be fat like this forever.
Fuck off, ana. Not right now.
I ate, and I'm going to try and keep eating. I'm going to fight against this again because I have no idea what else to fucking do! It didn't work last time and it won't work now but who cares!? I feel so fat. I'm so weak. I could just...
I really, really, really want to purge or whatever. But it's just a vicious cycle. I'll never be better, so I may as well start suffering for it now.